Dancing with Yourself

Thought of the Month:

"Every life has its dark and cheerful hours. Happiness comes from choosing which to remember." -author unknown

Hello Everyone,

We live two lives, the one we learn from and the life we live after that. So how do we know when one stops and the other life begins? Take a look inside of yourself, how are you feeling right now? What are some of the thoughts that are going through your head about your life? Do you find yourself unknowningly or knowingly searching for that missing piece to fill the void? If you feel like there is a missing piece, yet you don't know what it is, then you are searching for 'something more', you are searching for yourself.

This feeling can exist despite our blessings in our life. We become so busy and get so caught up in being the martyr of one's measurement of who we should be in society, that we lose sight of who we really are. It often gives rise as a sadness and/or longing we cannot name, that we keep well buried and hidden from anothers view. This sadness, however, is often the result once we disconnect from our authentic self.

So how do we get back to our authentic self? Easy, by taking a 'leap of faith', by 'romancing the soul' through listening to our heart's desires. As I began to romance my soul, I noticed that my soul was so far buried under pain, hurt and other people's beliefs and expectations that I first let go of what I used to believe that came from teachings from my past, especially my parents, in order to reach my true self. It means letting go of the past, the childhood traumas, and accepting the learning's from our life lessons that come from the good, the bad and the ugly of our past. Your authentic self comes from a place of love and wants only the best for you. Our authentic self will challenge us, and ask us to step out of our comfort zone and trust it. When we begin to romance our soul, and honour our authentic self, using the wisdom and learning's from the first part of our life, we begin living the life after that.

Just imagine it as 'dancing with yourself', because until you understand how you dance, others will not know how to dance with you without stepping on your toes. The best way to get a smooth and flowing dance with yourself and another is to be clear and exact, and that takes studying your dance. It means knowing you first, your likes and dislikes, being grounded, establishing boundaries that work for you, and sticking to them. Not only will you create a beautiful dance with yourself for others to follow, but a trust will arise from the consistency of 'your dance.'

So who are you? What is that nagging feeling inside? What is that nagging feeling pushing or pulling you to do right now? Is it telling you to register for a class? Is it wanting you to read a certain book, or take some time for you? Is it telling you to take a vacation? Is it telling you to seek professional assistance? Is it telling you to go for a walk, or get a new job? Listening and acting upon your continuous nagging push or pull to do something is romancing your soul, it is often your authentic self. Sometimes, we don't always understand why or how this something will make any difference in our life until we do it. Regardless, only until you begin listening, honoring and fulfilling the wishes of your higher self, your authentic self, will you begin to find true happiness.

Until next time.....
Krista McKay

Take the Happiness Quiz

Hello Everyone,

Yesterday I came across this quiz and thought I would share it with you. Happiness is often on all of our minds. Although, we sometimes feel that happiness alludes us, we continue to pursue it in hopes that someday we'll find it. Our actions, thoughts and beliefs we maintain and/or create are the result from our desire to find happiness.

During the silent moments when we feel unhappy, you may wonder what is going on? You have a job, a home, reliable car, loving family/friends, but you still don't see, feel or hear the happiness around you and within you. Why?

Research has shown that happiness is not linked to external circumstances, instead it is a product of a series of internal factors. Research suggests the most happiest people are those who give and do for others as opposed to depressed individuals who tend to maintain an internal focus on themselves.

On a brighter side, we are all human and all of us have and will experience ups and downs. What is important is how we handle the ups and downs. How do we get to an overall state of mind that will support and maintain our happiness. It is possible. Take the quiz and see what you can do to increase your overall well-being.



Happiness Quiz
-by S.K. Smith


1. Even when I'm stressed beyond belief (about money, love, career or anything), I have a general sense that "everything will be alright."

a) Always (9)
b) Sometimes (6)
c) Rarely (3)
d) Never (0)


2. I accept responsibility for my mistakes - and take credit when I do something good/beneficial/skillfully.

a) Yes for both (9)
b) Mistakes yes, victories/achievements… not so much (5)
c) I don't like being blamed, but sure I'll celebrate my successes! (5)
d) Neither - I like to stay under the radar (0)


3. When things go wrong, I want to…

a) Find the culprit! (0)
b) Move on… (3)
c) Come up with solutions to avoid it next time (9)


4. The best word to sum up my usual mental/emotional state is

a) Dread (0)
b) Frustration (3)
c) Curiosity/Wonder (6)
d) Peace (9)


5. I have too many priorities to focus on taking care of myself!

a) Always (0)
b) Sometimes (3)
c) Rarely (6)
d) Never (9)


6. I value people - and spending time with them - more than possessions.

a) True (9)
b) False (0)
c) True - though I could use some more great people to spend time with (6)
d) False - though only because my possessions out number my friends/loved ones (3)


7. It doesn't take a lot to make me smile - in fact, I take pleasure in the little things (like when my favorite song comes on in Starbucks or the first sunny day after a rainy week).

a) Always (9)
b) Sometimes (6)
c) Rarely (3)
d) Never (0)


8. I am often afraid - even if I don't know of what.

a) True (9)
b) False (0)


9. When a good thing happens, I might enjoy it for a moment, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

a) Always (0)
b) Sometimes (3)
c) Rarely (6)
d) Never (9)


10. I've grown a lot throughout my life - especially thanks to the bad times!

a) True (6)
b) False (0)


11. My life has a spiritual side - however I define that.

a) True (6)
b) False (0)


12. There are things in my life I will never get over.

a) True (0)
b) False (6)



SCORING:

0-33 POINTS: Caught in the wheel…Stop a moment and take a deep breath. Whatever situation you've gotten yourself into (and that "situation" may be as simple as the daily grind!), it seems you're letting your life control you rather than you controlling your life. This is no way to live a fulfilled existence - and it's no wonder you're not feeling happy!
Whether you're stuck in the past (like on an ex-lover) or waiting for your life to start (for instance, when you get that promotion), here's the thing: life is happening NOW. And in the now, no one else is responsible for your well-being. Likewise, no situation is beyond your control. In other words, while you don't necessarily create every circumstance you wind up in, you do have ultimate say in your reactions. You can say no, you can move on, you can cultivate a sense of general well-being that includes taking time to savor the world around you as it is right this second! A happy life means caring for yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, financially (and, yes, even sexually). Sure, it may sound like a lot… but you can do it. After all, if your answers are any indicator, you're already taking care of everyone and everything else!


34-66 POINTS: Getting by just fine. You could certainly be a lot worse off. But you could also be a lot happier. It's likely, however, that you know this… you just need some work on following through. For instance, you're aware you'd feel better if you spent more time doing that thing you love (yoga, running, painting, crossword, fill in the blank), but you have to find the time to actually do it. That's where you keep getting stuck. It's time to turn that corner. Have faith, take a leap. Let go of the urge to blame and don't feed your insecurities. You're on your way to trumping them - for the most part (remember, no one is perfect!).

In short: a list of things to do for more joy on the fridge is a really great start. Now make it a point to do them all. Even if it's one at a time.


67-99 POINTS: A Happy Place Congratulations happy person! The good news is you're usually living in the moment… or at least working on it. The great news is that means you don't have to focus on being present. Instead, you can work on making the here and now the best it can be!

Some ways to do that:
Cultivate your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Surround yourself with people you value and be sure to treat them well. Practice gratitude and strive to learn when you do make mistakes. Meditate. Eat right. Overindulge every once in a while - and don't beat yourself up for it. Go easy on yourself - and on others.

"Imagine"

Hello Everyone,

Just sending along some inspiration as you begin imagining.....

Have a great weekend,
Krista McKay

"When Nothing is Something"

Thought of the week:

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars."
- Og Mandino, 1923-1996, American Motivational Author and Speaker


Hello Everyone,

As I sit in church this morning, my mind began to wonder as to what I will write this week on my blog. For several days I have been considering different topics to write on, yet didn't feel that certainty inside that it was the 'one' for this week. So, as my mind wondered to my writing this morning during the service, a thought popped into my head....it went something like this.....turn on my music and just begin to write and see what lands on the 'paper'. That is now what I am doing. I am writing this blog with no intentional plan or topic, just letting it evolve into what it is meant to be. My favorite classical song is playing right now, and I am thoroughly enjoying this peaceful moment. I am just allowing all the little nudges and thoughts to be transformed onto this 'paper', not knowning how it will turn out.

As I write this piece, I wonder if what I say will seem stupid or ridiculous? Will people like it, or will they absolutely hate it and make jokes about it? I wonder how this will be received? I wonder if this article will still be interesting to my readers even though it was not planned nor intentional? Will people find this one boring, or will my readers be speechless, confused or uncertain what to think? I then ask myself how much of this really matters to me?

When I considered just writing with no intent, I was scared I wouldn't have anything to say, or I wouldn't have anything of value to write, and the content would be useless information because of its' spontaneous orgins. I wondered if this little nudge to just write what comes to my mind would lead to embarrassment, or a sense of freedom and joy.

I am accustomed to speaking and living within structure and planned intention so just expressing myself this way feels unusual, a bit unnerving. To just let my mind go and allow the nudge to express itself. It certainly has given way to a multitude of emotions that I am allowing and enduring as I speak, not yet understanding. I have noticed, however, it is so much easier to give in to this nudge than resist it. I noticed a couple times I fumbled as I was writing because I said to myself, ....."I can't write this, people will think I am right off the wall!" However, I have written it, without any understanding as to why. Maybe someone out there will understand.

In the meantime I made a decision. I listened to my nudge. I could of not listened to the nudge and wrote something on depression, anxiety, or single parenting, as all these topics and more ran through my head. But it may have taken me a lot longer, and the flow I like to enjoy as I write wouldn't of been there. I would of got to the end of my post, but the experience would of been different, so much more of a struggle, taking away from its' pleasure. So, over the past few days as I pondered what to write, my decision to not make a decision was still a decision that I decided today to overrule for my little nudge that came to me this morning.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week as I plan too. :)


Until next time....
Krista McKay

Shaking it Off!

Hello Everyone:

It's a rainy day here, rain that has resulted in a cancellation in my planned day. I admit I was disappointed but I did have a plan B in the event that this did occur. Despite my plan B, my inner critic kicked in adding to my mood. So before I began my day, off I went to DND for some cardio to shake it off, and what a difference it made.

Our inner critic can sneak in at the most unexpected and unwanted times. Have you ever been on a high....feeling great....on top of the world and suddenly self-critism, undeserving thoughts and self-defeating beliefs slip their way in replacing that joyful state to something less than desirable? A couple of things could be happening and one is that your inner critic has struck again.

The inner critic was originally formed to help you, to help you avoid pain and shame. It operates on the level of a child, a child who thinks that what other people think of him/her is not only important but correct. Unfortunately, in order for the inner critic to do its job our natural inclinations are curbed. Therfore, we become acceptable to others by our inner critic critizing and correcting our behavior before other people criticize or reject us. Not a great nor authentic way to live, uh?

Having a strong inner critic present most of the time isn't the end of the world. The undesirable emotions, behavior and approval seeking from others can all change with some help and your determination to shut your critic down. Over time this voice in your head that beats you up, picks at your behavior and puts down your choices can fade with help and practice. I have been learning to recognize when mine speaks to me, learning the difference between my natural inclinations or my gut feelings and the interference of my inner critic. It does take time and practice but it can be mastered. One of the key components I have found for me to be most effective to shut down my inner critic, (besides a great workout or listening to soothing music), is to be 'still' and focus on the moment and what's going on around me. It is hard to ignore the inner critic when we are rushing around trying to be a super hero and barely breathing, considering that the super hero behavior could be part of the inner critic, or not? So the next time you notice those self-defeating thoughts, stop and be still or go for a good workout or brisk walk and notice what follows.....

Until next time,
Krista McKay

What Is Your 'Canon In D'?

Hello Everyone:

I am in an amazing place right now. I sure wish you could all be apart of what I am feeling right now. I sit here right now listening to one of my favorite classical songs, 'Canon in D' by Pachelbel, a piece of music I first discovered through my friends while attending university several years ago. I just happen to stumble upon it again today, or not, as I was checking out some websites. What a beautiful piece of work.

As I listen to this music and write my message to you, I feel my body instinctly go into a meditative state where only happy thoughts come to my consciousness noticing all the great feelings and warm energy this music evokes in my body. Wondering if this state couldn't become permanent....

Do you have a 'Canon in D', a song that puts you into an amazing state? One that you can retreat to when you feel your anxiety rising, tension increasing and stress levels becoming more than you can tolerate? Do you have an amazing place to go mentally and physically that can evoke serenity in you?

I love meditation. It took some practice at first as I would go so deep that I would enter into the lower levels for sleep. Now, I am pretty good at it, staying conscious and letting my mind go. On those days when I feel more tension and I have trouble entering into a relax state, I play my favorite classical music which puts me there very quickly. What is really awesome is how I feel after a session, I am energized and feel so refreshed.

I know we are all so busy with our families and jobs, however, it is so important to learn to give to ourselves. When we do then we can give to others freely and unconditionally. When my children were young, under the age of five, I wouldn't stop until I went to bed. I just kept moving, finding more work to do. Perhaps, I felt I didn't deserve to stop until one day I got burnt out. Since, I have learned to give myself the gift of my time, to do what makes me happy, what gives me joy despite what others may say or feel. This gift is a part of me now, I have been doing it for so long that when I deny this gift to myself I get very grumpy.

So for everyone who is looking for serenity....ask yourself what special gift you can give to yourself regularly that will bring joy and happiness inside of you? What is your 'Canon in D'?

Until next time....
Krista McKay

Making a Difference Work for You

Broken Dreams

As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God

Because He was my Friend.

But instead of leaving Him

In peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help

With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,

"How can YOU be so slow?"

"My child, He said, "what could I do?

You never let them go."

-author unknown

I found this poem recently and just wanted to share it. Oh, how so many of us like to intercede after we have asked for help from someone. Little did we know that our worries and doubts were just hindering and slowing down the process to perhaps a grinding halt.

Something to ponder.....

Until next time.....

Krista McKay